Erase

Let’s go back in time
Can we erase it all away?
Will you douse the flame you sparked
So life won’t go astray?
I’d give it all up, you know
To never have even known
That something deep inside me
Longs for another’s’ soul

The grass, it grows, so wild
Invading all my dreams
Your heart is not the reason
I am weakest at my seams
The hardest part of knowing
Everything that has been lost
Is the realization
That it came at such a cost
I’ll never be the same, now
The old me has since perished
I had to change so quickly
To rescue all I cherish

Why did we have to say hello
Why did we have to meet
I see no consolation
No ground beneath my feet
I want to travel back in time
And erase you from the list
Of all the wonders of the world
And all reason to exist

It breaks my heart to say so
But if you only knew
The love in me that has been lost
And everything I cannot do
The only ways I’m winning
The only tasks complete
Are holding you so dearly
And the ink upon these sheets

Your thought will not escape
It has made itself at home
So deep inside it’s settled
Like it’s become my aching bones
My hope is not to have you
Regret does not clench fist
I only wish I never knew
That the soul in you exists

I wish I never knew
How happy I could be
Or how the light inside
Can be beautiful and free
I’d erase you from the pages
If I never had the chance
To feel the soul inside me
Come to life and dance
I want to go back, now
To the girl I was before
I’d rather live not knowing
That life could be much more

How simple it would be
To live in ignorance
Than suffer through the knowledge
Of what’s beyond the fence
Greener grass is not the goal
Nor love that never was
What eats away inside me
Is the wholeness that you cause
I never would have known
That life was incomplete
If you had never lifted
Me off the ground beneath my feet

And now I sit in anger
All the fury that you’ve brought
For showing me the power-
what’s hidden, but not lost
You opened up my world
And showed me all it’s glory
You proved it has potential
And reason not to worry
With you gone I feel so lost
So empty and unfamiliar
I see no me when I seek
Reflection in the mirror
I can’t let go of what was known
You’ve now become my muse
The only emotion I can show
My own personal abuse

I’m lost in iteration
A symphony of limbo
To keep my mind together
And remember all the symbols
Of love and hate and burden
Our simple things to take
The space between the curtains
And the reason for mistake
Fate is a connection
One, of which, we knew
A string between location
And a silent word for two

But strings are not well written
They cannot be erased
Those words had left me smitten
It was seen upon my face
At weakest it was comfort
A way to birth a smile
But, once, became so strong
It brought no reconcile

On a piece of paper
Tucked away but not forgotten
A simple plea is written
To a friendship we’d begotten
It died, with us, that day
Not so peacefully it rests
It was a wondrous magic
It was us at our best

If I had the strength, I’d say
You are a simple reason
To take my life by charge
And convince myself of season
But on this day I can’t let go
I cannot say goodbye
For if I erase you from the book
It becomes a book of lies
The girl I was before you came
No longer lives and breathes
She was erased away the same
As the care you had for me

by Rachel Camp 04.12.2019

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